The Wilderness: Seeing Ourselves in the Israelites

How many times in our life do we look back to the past with longing? How many times do we wish we could return to a certain period of time in our lives? How many times do we look back on a past relationship and think about the “what if?” How many times do we look back on the past with regrets?

I admit that I spent most of my life looking in the past instead of being in the present, in the now. Many times we do not realize we are focusing on the past. For instance, not forgiving someone for a past hurt, or not being able to move on from a hurt is to be living in the past. The way in which I set my eye changed when God awakened my heart to the perspective I had become accustomed. He changed my heart and desire through the reading of His living word.

In 2009, as a result of the housing industry crash, my husband and I had no choice, but to sell our house in a short sale. This means that we sold the house for less than it was purchased because the value of homes had dropped. It was a house that we loved and had no plans moving from. Over the years we had remodeled almost the whole house, including the pool area. We loved the house, our neighbors, the neighborhood and location.

In 2014 we were beginning to recover financially and were able to qualify for a mortgage and purchase a home. I had become a Christian earlier in the year and was reading through the Bible for the first time. As I studied the Bible the Holy Spirit was changing my heart. I realized how impatient and selfish I was in the past. I wanted what I wanted and did not really care about my husband’s desires.

When we began our search for a new home I wanted to glorify God instead of glorifying myself as I had done in the past. I wanted to honor my husband, respect his wishes and have patience while looking for this house. I was excited to try this new approach, this new way of life and hoped to see the good from glorifying God and honoring my husband.

While we were looking for a new home my mind kept traveling back in the past to the house we had to sell in the short sale. I kept longing for that house and wishing we could repurchase it and move back next to our favorite neighbors. In the meantime, our house search kept hitting dead ends. Every time we found a house that was available there was something about it that my husband did not like, or there was something about it that we did not agree on.

As soon as I saw that we were not in agreement on a house, I withdrew my interest because I did not want to push my husband into buying a house that I liked and he did not. This happened several times. There were even a few times when we were going to place an offer on a house and found out someone had placed an offer earlier in the day. There were not many houses available and it seemed as though nothing was going our way. It seemed as though the rug was being pulled out from under us with every house we were interested in. Meanwhile, my mind kept traveling back to our old house.

During this time in my Bible reading I read how the Israelites kept wanting to go back to Egypt because of the food they were able to eat. Exodus 16:3 “And the people of Israel said to them, “Would that we had died by the Lord’s hand in Egypt, when we sat by the meat pots and ate bread to the full, for you have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger.” They were so blind. All they could see were themselves.

First, God heard their cries for years as they were slaves in Egypt. He answered their prayers and delivered them out of slavery. Within three days of the Israelites being saved, they began to complain and spoke of how they wished to go back to Egypt because they had water there. Secondly, God heard their complaints about wanting clean, fresh water to drink and He provided water for them. Soon they began to complain again because they remembered the delicious food they had in Egypt. Thirdly, God, again, heard them and provided manna for them every day. The manna was still not good enough. Now they wanted meat.

It did not matter what God did for them, in their eyes it was not enough. They continually complained and blamed Moses for bringing them out of Egypt. They blamed Moses for everything. Every time they complained to Moses and blamed him they cried out how they had these things in Egypt. They were slaves in Egypt, but, in their eyes, at least they had water and good food.

I learned two very important valuable lessons when I read about the sin of the Israelites. Every time they complained and blamed Moses for their inconvenience, they were really blaming and sinning against God. Secondly, every time they compared the food in Egypt to the food in the wilderness they wished to go back to the past. They were willing to go back to slavery because they liked the food! They seemed to forget that when they had the food in Egypt they cried to God to be freed from slavery.

They could not be satisfied because they were looking for happiness in things instead of looking to God. Their sin and self centeredness was so great, that nothing could make them happy. They were constantly looking back to the past and focusing on one part of the past that seemed better than what they currently had in the wilderness. What did they have in the wilderness? The had freedom from slavery, God providing all of their needs and they had the presence of God with them. They had God with them, in a cloud by day and in fire by night, and it still was not enough. They were not content with what God had provided for them. They were not content with God. God was not enough.

This realization was a slap in the face for me. I thought back to the time I lived in the house I longed for and remembered that when I lived there I was not a Christian. I saw how my looking back and yearning for the comforts of that house was sinning against God. I saw I was not being thankful to God for providing for me and for where He had presently brought me. I was sinning and wishing to go back to a time when I was not a Christian as long as I could live in that house. I was acting just like the Israelites. My thoughts of longing for my old home, in the eyes of God, amounted to me saying I was willing to give up my freedom in Christ to live in the comforts of my previous house. I was not living in the present. I was living in the past.

Is not what the Israelites had what we have today in Jesus? We are free from judgment, He provides for us and His life is within us by the power of the Holy Spirit. Is that not enough for us? How many times in our lives do we complain or wish for the past, for things to be different, to have more money, success, or material things, because if we have those things we will then be content, fulfilled and happy. The Israelites thought the same way, but because of their sin they could not see God and be content with what God had provided for them. They could only see what brought them pleasure. Pleasure is not long lasting, it is only temporary.

Jesus saved us from the slavery of our sin, provided for us as the payment that we could not provide for ourselves and has given us life, life in Him. When we are content and fulfilled in Jesus we can then be content with whatever God has provided for us and not wish for the grass that seems greener on the other side.

As soon as I saw my sin, I humbly repented and asked for forgiveness. Within a week or so a house came on the market that seemed perfect and was priced around the same price we sold our previous home in the short sale. The homes were selling so fast, so we immediately scheduled a showing through our realtor. We could not believe that house was still available. It had been on the market for about three days.

I immediately saw the similarities when we walked up to the house, but everything seemed to be a little bit better. The outside was everything that my husband had wanted in a house. Within two minutes of walking inside the house we knew it was the house we both wanted. We both loved it. It was the same model house as the one we sold in the short sale, but flipped. The bedrooms were on the other side of the house.

In the house we previously sold we had remodeled every room in the house except the master bath. In this house every room had been remodeled except the children’s bathroom. The dining room was designed the way I wished it would have been designed in our previous house. I knew this was an act of mercy from God. By letting go of the past and what I thought would bring me happiness, I was able to rely on God to provide for us. I let go of what I though I wanted from the past and He brought such a blessing to us. I let go of my selfish desire and desired to glorify God. I wanted to desire what God’s desire was.

God was so merciful and gracious to us. After moving in the new house the man who used to mow the lawn for the previous owners stopped at the house one day when he saw my husband outside. He told my husband how lucky he was because he had been waiting for the day that house would come on the market because he wanted to buy it. When my husband told me this, I again, thanked God for this blessing.

I thank God for moving me from the house of the past and for bringing me to where I am today. The house I’m living in really is not the most important thing to me. The most important thing to me is that now I have God in my life, I personally know Jesus, I have been freed from the slavery of sin and I have life in Jesus by the power of the Holy Spirit. Jesus is truly my home, not my earthy house.

Oh, One other thing, this new house is two minutes away from our last home. What a gracious, merciful and loving God we have.

Where or who are you looking back to and desiring from the past?
What area in your life are you looking back instead of living in the present?
Where do you find yourself thinking the grass is greener on the other side? If you only had what the Jones had?
Where do you find yourself thinking you know you would be happy if you had a different job, spouse, house, more money, car, body, etc?
Is Jesus enough for you? Does Jesus provide you with what you need, or are you always looking for something better?

Discipline: How God Can Use Our Sin to Teach a Lesson

How many times in a week do you think you are doing things right and other people are doing things wrong? How many times do you judge how someone is handling a situation in their life and think you would handle it differently? How many times do you speculate during gossip and say, “I can’t believe that she…..If that was me I would have never done that. I would have done this….” How many times has something happened to someone and you have arrogantly said it was Karma and she got what she deserved? How many times have you wished Karma to come upon another?

If you are being truthful, most of you do all those things frequently, or have in the past. I am not innocent. I have committed all of these sins many times before I became a Christian, studied God’s word and prayed for the Holy Spirit to change my heart. Even after I became a Christian I had, what I thought, was an innocent passing thought, but God showed me it was not innocent at all. In fact, it was judgmental. If it were not for God’s love for me by showing me the error of my ways, I may never have known that what I had done was not Christ like.

While attending Cosmetology school, soon after I became a Christian, I stopped at a coffee house almost every morning. I went through the drive thru and frequently paid for the bill of the car behind me. I often wished I could see the surprised look on their face as they learned their drink order had been paid. One day, while in the drive thru line my mind went to the recipients of my good deed. I wondered how the recipient responded and if they, in return, paid for the drink of the person behind them. I arrogantly thought, “If that was me and I received this generous gift from someone, I would then immediately pay for the order of the car behind me.”

About a week later, just enough time for me to forget about the greatness I placed upon myself, I pulled up to the drive thru window to pay for my drink. Before I could pay for my order I was told that the car in front of me paid for my order. I was completely taken by surprise and was so thankful and full of joy of the person’s generosity! I was so flustered, I took the drink and pulled away! The second I pulled away from the window I realized what I had just done. I did NOT pay for the order of the car behind me like I arrogantly speculated I would!

God had just taught me a lesson in the most merciful way. The first act of mercy from God was answering my wish and allowing me to be the recipient of this gracious gift and experience the joy other recipients most likely felt. The second act of mercy from God was Him opening my eyes and allowing me to immediately see my sin. The third act of mercy was the way in which God chose to show me the sin within my heart. He chose to use an experience at a drive thru coffee shop when He could have used a more difficult life experience.

Many people today choose not to acknowledge God, His power and mercy of discipline by saying this was an act of Karma. Without knowing the previous intentions of my heart, the previous thoughts of my mind, some may say that since I was so generous to others by paying for their order, I received back the actions I put out. Karma is actually a belief of Hinduism and Buddhism that means what happens to a person, happens because they caused it with their actions. This is a humanistic approach.

A humanistic approach attaches the prime importance to the human, rather than God. In other words, humans are greater than God and are their own God. They caused it to happen to themselves, rather than God showing His mercy with an act of discipline. As one can see, on the surface, to an outsider for instance, my free coffee may have looked one way. When one factors in what was going on inwardly in my arrogant thoughts, a new picture begins to form and it changes the whole perspective, and this perspective is only known by the one who thinks it and the one who sees it; God.

Not only did God show me how wrong I was in my speculation of my greatness, He also taught me to be cautious in the future. Since that day, by God’s grace, I do not think I have ever speculated how I would react to a situation if it were to befall upon me, because I truly do not know. It is very possible that I will react or handle a situation in the same way as someone else did.

This discipline from God has also caused me to speak up when someone I am around begins to judge the actions of another and speculates how she would handle the situation better. My response to these people have been, “You know, we think we know how we will respond to a certain situation if it were to come upon us, but in actuality, we never know how we will respond unless it happens to us.”

Hebrews 12:6-11 “For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives. It is for descipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of the spirits and live? For, they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”

As you see in the scripture above, God disciplines or tests the ones he loves. This discipline from God is compared to the discipline we receive from our earthly fathers. It may sting at the moment we receive it, but it is intended to help us to grow, learn from the lesson and be trained to produce good things. This discipline, or testing grows us in grace and to be more like Christ. I am so thankful for God’s discipline in my life. I can definitely see how His discipline has taught me a lesson, produced good things from me and has grown me in grace so that I may share this experience of God’s loving discipline with you.

Matthew 26:33,35 “Peter told him, “Even if everyone falls away because of you, I will never fall away….”Even if I have to die with you,” Peter told him, “I will never deny you,” and all the disciples said the same thing.”

In this scripture Jesus is telling the disciples how they will all fall away that night and that Peter will deny him three times before the rooster crows. As you read his words in the Bible you can hear the conviction in his voice that he will not fall away and he would die with Jesus, rather than deny him. We all know what Peter and the disciples actually did. They did just as Jesus said, they ran away from Jesus as he was captured and when Peter was being accused of knowing Jesus, he denied him three times.

Imagine the pride the disciples had for themselves, denying what Jesus was telling them would come to be, and leaning on themselves and their feelings to predict what they would do when the situation arises. They even had Jesus with them and telling them what was going to happen and they still denied it and opted to believe in themselves, thinking their love for Jesus was strong enough.

I see myself and my own sin when I read this moment in history, as well as through all the history of the Bible. Our hearts are no different than those who lived thousands of years before us. We are no different. I sometimes try to think how I would be reacting during that time if I was alive when Jesus was living among the people of the earth. Sometimes my prideful heart thinks I would love Jesus and would not turn on him, but in actuality, because I have no idea what it would have been like to live during that time, I have no idea how I would have reacted. Today, we are truly blessed to have the full Bible, the full book of history. Back then, they were living the history, moment by moment, that we read today.

Do you see, although, the time and culture is different than ours, our sins are still the same?
Do you see yourself when you read the Bible, or do you separate yourself and thank God that you are not like them?
Do you see?

I pray that you will conduct a self examination of your heart and, if you currently do not have awareness, pray for God to open your eyes to see your sin and when you receive disciplining or testing from God. If you currently do not personally know Jesus, I invite you to confess your sin to Jesus, repent of your ways, ask for forgiveness and invite Jesus into your heart.

God Revealed: Mulch is More than Meets the Eye. A Personal Experience with God.

I always felt like God was so far away, distant, out in the universe somewhere. I saw Him as something impersonal, not really with me and did not know if he really even heard me when I prayed to Him. If He did hear me I did not think he was even paying attention to me unless I was in formal prayer to Him. Although I believed in God, I did not consider myself to have or want a personal relationship with God for most of my life. I never even considered that I could have a personal relationship with God.

I spent most of my life avoiding God and His existence instead of remembering Him and wanting to know Him. After all, I was preoccupied with living my life the way I wanted to, doing the things I wanted and did not want anyone telling me to live any differently. I felt that those people who referred to God all the time and lived according to God’s ways went overboard. I thought I was the one who was living the right way. I thought the right way was believing in Jesus, but never talking about Him or changing the way I live. I felt the people who did live that way took religion too seriously.

I thought, overall, I was a good person. I was a Girl Scout troop leader for my daughter’s troop for three years. I hosted parties at my house for family, I put sincere thought into gifts I bought, I helped organize events for friends and family, I volunteered at my children’s school and volunteered at church. Sure, I had negative thoughts about people and judged their actions, but, hey, everyone does that. Just because my thoughts were hate filled sometimes does not mean I am not a good person, right? I soon had an experience that flipped all of my worldly views about goodness upside down.

When I truly became a Christian in February 2014, my son had already been engaged. The wedding date was set for May of that year. As a family, we had taken his fiancé, Samantha, under our wing. We became her primary family because her father had passed away a few years earlier and her mother was not living local. For this reason, we decided to offer our house to her as the place she and her bridesmaids could use to get ready on her wedding day. My son was able to us his apartment for him and his groomsmen.

Because we were financially recovering from the housing industry crash, we were renting a house during this time. For that reason, the yard improvements were the responsibility of the owners of the home. From the day we had moved into the home the mulch in the flower beds had been washed away. Left exposed was the black tarp that was laid underneath the mulch as a barrier for weeds.

One morning as I was leaving the house, I drove slowly by the front of the house and took notice of the black tarp in the flower beds. I thought about how nice it would be to have mulch in the flower beds so the yard would look nice if Samantha wanted to take pictures outside the day of the wedding. I did not share my thoughts with anyone. It was just a passing thought as I drove by the front of the house.

One morning, a week or so later, I backed out of the garage as I was leaving for the gym. As I looked out down the driveway, I hit the breaks. Sitting in the street in front of our house was a huge pile of mulch. I was stunned and began to tremble and cry. Since I did not see anyone shoveling the mulch I did not want to jump to conclusions. It could have been intended for a neighbor’s house, so I told myself to stay calm, go to the gym and wait to see if anyone is shoveling the mulch when I get back home.

On the way home, with anticipation, I slowly eased around the corner near the house. As I rounded the corner I saw several men shoveling the mulch into the flowerbeds of our house! I could not believe this way happening! I pulled into the driveway, put the car in park and I just sat there for a moment thanking God and absorbing what was taking place.

I began to scream with delight in my head, “God heard me! You heard me!” I did not ask him for the mulch, it was just a passing thought I had. I was not in formal prayer and God heard me! What a gift from God I had just received! A few seconds later I realized what God had done by the blessing of this gift that I did not ask for.

God just showed me that He hears every single thought I have in my head and He is right here with me. Jeremiah 23:24 “Can a man hide himself in secret places so that I cannot see him? declares the Lord. Do I not fill Heaven and earth? declares the Lord.”He is everywhere. He hears my wishes, dreams and thoughts. Then, I was humbled and faced with the ugliness of my heart when I also realized that God has heard every single negative hate filled thought I have ever had about another person.

That moment I just had with God was very real, very personal and personalized to reveal His all encompassing presence and knowing of me and all things. He knows me inside and out. He knows me better than I know myself. In the span of a few seconds I felt joy like I had never felt before and then, with a flip of a switch, a deep horror knowing that nothing is secret from God. Even when we think we are alone and no one can see what we are doing or what we are thinking, God is there, He sees and He knows.

God is not far away out in the Universe somewhere. His Spirit is right here with us. I never found out why the homeowners decided to replace the mulch in the flowerbeds, but I know in my heart that this was the work of God. The wedding was beautiful and because of this picture we will always have a visual reminder of God’s blessing and presence.

I no longer desire to avoid God and I pray you see or desire to experience God everywhere. Do you find yourself witnessing experiences that you chalk up to coincidences and not giving God the glory? Do you acknowledge that God has answered your prays, but then you go back to avoiding Him in your life and living for yourself? Are you avoiding God and refusing to see Him in all things? If so, I pray, if you have not already, you will ask Jesus into your heart and ask Him to allow you to see His presence in your life, in your heart and in all things. You will not be disappointed.

Idols: What They are and How to Identify Them

Sometimes God will allow what is important to us, what we hold most dear to our heart, to be taken away so that we may see Jesus. Sometimes what we idolize is taken away, or our biggest fears become reality. We, as sinners, can create an idol out of anything. An idol is anything that takes priority in our lives over God. An idol is what we worship instead of worshiping God. An idol can be a person, a feeling, a desire, a thing, or an activity. The more obvious idols are drugs, alcohol or porn, but have you thought about the less obvious things that can become an idol to our hearts?

Our idol may be a celebrity, a friend or spouse, shopping, exercise, food, smoking, our body, our looks, our hair, jobs, money, social status, how popular we are on social media, gossip, job status, cars, clothing, or weight loss, for example. The bottom line is that what we want or what we want to focus on has become more important to us than God.

Another way to identify an idol is to ask if this thing, person, or feeling has become what we depend upon to bring us happiness. Is it filling something that is lacking within ourself? Does shopping bring us happiness? I am not talking about a fun day out with your girlfriends. I am referring to a deep need to excessively shop and purchase clothes or material items that we most likely truly did not need, but when we bought them it brought us happiness.

Here is the trick of the idol. We may mistake them as what will bring us happiness, but what we created as our idol will only bring pleasure. Unfortunately, pleasure is only temporary. This explains why we have to repeatedly go, shopping, for instance, because we crave the feeling shopping brings us.

Imagine if our person of worship is God. When our eyes are set on Jesus we are fulfilled with true happiness, joy and everlasting love. We will long for Jesus and to know Him by reading His word and studying scripture. We will long to commune with Jesus daily through prayer. The love for Christ will fill our hearts as the Holy Spirit cleanses our hearts of our idols. We find a love for scripture that we seem to thirst and hunger for, because Jesus now satisfies our cravings.

If you find yourself in a season of suffering, or at the lowest point in your life, how will you respond?
Will you deflect, find excuses, or blame others? Your response will be accounted for.
Can you see your idols and identify them? If not, pray for God to open your eyes to recognize the idols in your heart.
What is distracting you from seeing Jesus?
During your time of suffering, whatever that suffering may be, will you turn towards Jesus, or will you turn away?
Making excuses, deflecting, blaming = turning away from Jesus. Admitting your sin, asking for forgiveness, repenting = turning towards Jesus. I pray you turn to Jesus.